Thursday, October 18, 2007

Thinking at 4 in the Morning

I have just arrived home from work and finished my breakfast. It's early and I am tired, but there is something on my mind, I thought I'd share it. It won't be long before my wife and I are strapping our daughter into her car seat and driving her down to the hospital for an MRI. She is being checked out for a condition known as "Tethered Cord," (a term which means nothing to me), which is where some fibers are connecting the tail-bone to the spinal cord (that means something to me).

As I think about this situation, about the fact that my baby can't eat for four hours prior to the test, the fact that these doctors who don't know my baby will have to sedate her, and the thought of being apart from her through such a traumatic event, I have one pervading thought: I cannot help her!

It's shocking and terrifying to think it, even more so to say it out loud: I cannot help my beautiful, precious, baby girl. I can't make "tethered-cord" go away, I can't make MRI's less involved, I can't keep her safe through sedation. So what is a Father to do in this instance? He must flee to Christ.

I am so dependent upon grace, so needy of God's kind care of my family. I am always dependent upon grace, but it's moments like these where you can't help but feel it. God sometimes brings us to hopelessness to bring us to a place of ultimate hope, however. For what good would I be if I could help my little Mia? What good would I be in this situation if I could change it all? But what a great good is our God who sovereignly controls all things, even the minute details, and ordains an end that glorifies Him and is good for His people.

A few nights ago I prayed that God would give my daughter and especially happy following day. One throughout which she would simply be happy and a joy to her mommy. This prayer God graciously answered and it got me to thinking another thought, but one related to what was said above. I am not sure why God chose to answer that prayer or to answer on this occasion, but perhaps it was His way of telling me that He cares for my family's happiness. He loves us and He too loves His creation Mia. Perhaps in this valley that we may face ahead my wife and I can look out and see the sun shinning, however so dimly, above the hills and say, "We are dependent upon the grace of a Good God, who cares for our family!"

That is my thought at 4:50 a.m. Pray it will be my thought at 3:00 p.m. when I hand my daughter over to some doctors and attempt to trust the Lord with the outcome!

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